Is it just that no one learns to use basic office supplies any more?

I'm 29-years-old. I know. Ancient, right? I remember rotary phones, even.

It's a good age, though, because I've lived through a lot of changes in technology. I can still remember how to dial a rotary phone. I remember what it was like when phones had cords (I got hours of entertainment untangling the cord. Yes, I'm that weird girl). I've used fax machines, printers, copy machines, scanners, staplers, paper clips, rubber bands, paper cutters, and binding machines. I'm proficient at all of them. Hell, I can even use a calculator.

So it puzzles me that, in this office of many other people my age, I'm the only one who can figure out how to unjam the copy machine. I'm the only one who remembers that you have to dial a "1" before the phone number if you're trying to fax something long distance. I'm the only one who can fix a staple jam, use a paper cutter effectively, bind a report, or scan an image. I'm the only one.

Just like Melissa Ethridge. Except I like boys.

At least once everyday, I hear, "Hey Nameless Vagina? Um...I printed something and it didn't print."

Understand that there are many reasons that a document might fail to print. But can you guess the most common one? And, in fact, the reason I find to be accurate about 90% of the time...

"Please ADD PAPER."

But no one even checks. Ever. They just try to print their 50-page document 10 times and then come to me when it doesn't show up in the printer tray.

Every once in a while, the printer gets jammed. Now, I don't know if you know anything about printers (and ours is a printer/scanner/copier/fax), but usually there are instructions for clearing various jams on the printer itself. And yet, no one looks. "Nameless Vagina? The printer is jammed. Help!"

It's like working with a bunch of five-year-olds.

"Nameless Vagina, I can't find any address labels." They're always in the same place.

"Nameless Vagina, how do I scan this?" I've explained this one at least five times...to everyone in the office. Separately.

"Nameless Vagina, my stapler won't staple." Have you thought about putting staples in it?

"Nameless Vagina, these paper clips are stuck together." I can't even respond to this one.

And the list goes on...much like the beat.